My ride is slow

Tuner923

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Norristown, PA
I brought home my new 99 civic ex. I went cruising that night but it just didn't seem fast enough?!?!?!
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I checked the engine to make sure it was still there???
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I made sure the tires were inflated correctly!
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Everything inside seems to be right!?!?!
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So, I talked to my 2 boyzzzz who know cars. I asked Why is my honda so slow????
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They said you need new bumpers, those stock bumpers are not aerodynamic enough.
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Out with the old slow bumpers and in with the new, my boyz said i didn't have to paint the bumpers yet and i could drive around with them only primed, but my body shop said i should paint them now, so i did, thanks dad for the loan.
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The car seemed a little faster after the bumper swap but still not fast enough, my boyz suggested i cut my springs.
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They also said get rid of the quiet stock exhaust and install a fart can, so i did!
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My boyz also said i needed to install a cold air intake and a upper strut bar thingy (whatever the hell that does). So I did!
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Then they said, SIDE SKIRTS!! MAN SIDE SKIRTS!!! and RIMS, i said i can't afford all 4 rims, so my boyz said get 2 for the rear now and when u can afford the other 2 get them later, so I did.
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Now i got all 4 rims, my shit looks dope!!!
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After all that, my honda still didn't seem fast enough. Even with the cold air intake and strut bar thingy installed
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Fart can, 4inch tip exhaust!!!
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so my boyz said yo man u need race seats that don't match your interior. So i got these hot red sparcos. That should make the car fast.
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Hells yeah! they look sick man!!
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I told my boyz that all this stuff still isn't making my honda fast, and I'm not getting the honeys. Is there anything left i can do. they thought long and hard.
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And one said, shit yea i know, STICKARSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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YEAH we put stickers all over that bitch. Some half on the hood half on fender, on the windshield, rear wing, side of the car. This thing is going to be WICKED FAST
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OHHHHH yeah, my honda is fast now, I'm winning races and getting the honeys!!!!!
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---------- Post added at 01:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:08 PM ----------

jesus christ it took forever to get that together. fml going to go wash and wax my car
 

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